Confessions Part 10 - I Am Fat For Fashion Week

Confessions Part 10 – I Am Fat For Fashion Week

By Agata Descroix – @agatacruz
An excerpt from her book – Confessions of An Autistic And Sexually Confused International Model

After Hong Kong, its monosodic glutamate and numerous restaurants, I gained a little bit of weight. Usually, if I don’t do sport to balance, it all goes in my cheeks and on my hips. My collarbone, boobs and abs still look the same and I feel completely disproportionate. I noticed my legs are short and I have a long upper body. Why haven’t I seen that before?

Modeling definitely makes your old shameful opinions about yourself disappear, but then creates new ones. I never really noticed most of my flaws before. I suddenly notice the gap between two of my teeth, the ugly way my hair grows around my face, and the huge pores on my nose and my undefined lip line. I am reluctant to go to Fashion Week casting because they didn’t want me for last season and I felt ridiculous smiling to everybody while they were stabbing me in the back for no reason.

My manager asks me to go and as I always respect his decision, once more, I obey. I respect rules and I hate myself for that. I take the subway and go the textile industry factory, where it often takes place. The group of coordinators and Lety Bayes are surprised to see me. I am not stressed to be there but I feel an uncomfortable feeling of being already canceled when I get in the room. When the assistant loudly announces my measurements to the judging table, Lety opens her eyes widely.

“37” hips?”

I reply very calm that my Asian agency wanted me to gain weight because I was too thin. Her brows go down and up and she says with a sweet voice:

“Ow… So they like fat girls in Hong Kong?”

Whatever. She is not going to intimidate me with her comment. I know I am not fat and I just need to work out a bit. My body is great and has the memory of my long sporty childhood and adolescence.

“I can lose all that by doing sport you know. You’ve already witnessed it.”

They all thank me politely but I don’t think it’s sincere.