My mom always asks me if I mind people judging me for my body. I just roll my eyes when she does – I mean isn’t everyone judged by their bodies? But for my mom, it’s not like that. What I do is something different. To her, it may even be demeaning.

I started modeling full time when I was 20. I was enrolled in college, studying environmental science, when my roommate begged me to go with her to a casting call. I am the least likely model prospect, so I truly didn’t think about. I just threw on a hat, and grabbed a breath mint.

Imagine my surprise when the casting agent asked me to stay behind and not my friend. Guess who didn’t have a ride back to campus?

Eventually the drama at school became too much and I quit my classes in interest of pursuing a modeling career. My mom’s still mad about that, but truthfully it’s whatever. She is just another person that’s judging something about me.

My agent tried to prepare me for this. She said, “If you sign with us your life will change. Of course you’ll get all the perks that come with modeling, but the minute you walk out of this door people will start to judge you. They will hate you. Your friend, that girl you came here with, won’t even like you anymore. Are you ready for that?”

I hesitated for a moment before I shook my head yeah. I honestly didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. But when I walked out of her office and no one was there waiting for me I understood. It had begun.

My friend had rejected me. She ended our relationship because now, in just a few minutes, I had become a model. The rejection hurt like a pair of too small stilettos; but I’m glad I felt it then, instead of crashing in tears at an open call.

So how do I feel when I go to castings and I don’t get that callback? I feel the same way that I feel every day. I feel like I’m part of some inside joke where I watch the entire world get mad over stupid reasons. Why would I care if one casting director overlooked me? He obviously had a different look in mind. He obviously did not get the memo that I’m one of the hottest chicks out there. That’s kind of his loss, isn’t it?

I’m going to walk away with the prize and he’s going to continue to search. Even if he calls my teeth crooked, my walk lame, or my fingers too long, I’m still going to be a model. I still will get paid to display my beauty. So what if he doesn’t call back; it doesn’t change who I am.

 

Image: Annstreetstudio